Love

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Just the other day on Facebook ,I saw one of my friend posted on her wall saying:

"Love is the reason i keep making my mistakes"

Another goes with

“Love keeps hitting in my face”

I was somewhat offended and in fact pretty upset because when something goes wrong out of feelings, people often blame it on love.

Yes, if you noticed, I used the word “feelings”, you might want to read back the previous line I just wrote just in case you missed it out by speed reading.

You might want to reason with yourself, “But love IS just a feeling! Well yes, only according to the worldly ways of thinking. Let me explain to you why, here are 2 examples:

A guy met a girl at college for 2 months, for some reason she appears to be so dreamy in his eyes. His heart won’t stop thumping away when she’s around and he can’t wait for the next day to come just to get another glance of her, just one more time!

But when his friend asked him “Do you even know anything about her? Her family background? Her secrets or even dark secrets? Why not just be friends first?”

All he replied was “Does it matter? She's pretty, hot and smart..and all it matters is that i love her!"



All of a sudden, we can see this guy’s facebook is filled with romantic quotes like “Your eyes are as beautiful as the moon”..”I would die for you”..”I’ll write you songs after songs”

After some weeks later, he decided it was time to be a man, he took a deep breath, walked up to her and say “Hey, I really like you, would you like to be my girl friend?”

Here comes the typical drama..She'll reply with a cold and silent whisper “I’m sorry but I guess it’s better we be just friends”

And yup, there you go on the facebook posts like “Love is stupid”..”Go breaking my heart..”..”Love is not worth it” ( Just like the facebook posts earlier )



Yet here’s another example:

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.



She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.



This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.



On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.



On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.



I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart."



That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....”




In courtesy of Itoro ‘Ausafik’ Okon

Which do you think is love to you?

For some reason, the second example seem to move your heart, really, really a lot right?

If love is really just a feeling (Be it family, friends or even in a romantic sense), then how do you know when God decides to just abandon you just because He don’t feel like loving you anymore?

Let’s not go as far as God, let’s say your own parents. If your parents only loved you because only at the moment they feel lovely, do you honestly feel loved?

What about couples today? Don’t you hear the common favourite break up lines of all times? “I’m sorry but the feeling has faded away, I think its best we split” Why do you think divorce happens so often now? (Just like the second example above)

The reason the world is falling apart so badly is because of this:

They think that love IS just a feeling.

But what about the dreamy eyes and the heart thumping away, isn’t that love?

No, that is what you call a mere infatuation. Now that IS just a feeling! ( I won’t start on this one yet)

If you want to know what love really is, listen and obey what 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 tells you to do. Yes, not to just the girl/guy you are targeting but to anyone and everyone. Even your enemies.

Yes, especially when you don’t feel like it.

Huh? Enemies? But WHY!?



Do you think that the person you care can never turn out to be your enemy? So just because the person you care decides to hurt you by backstabbing, gossiping about you or just simply being extremely cold to you, you wouldn’t love the person anymore? If you find yourself having a hard time doing that, then my friend, you have a lot more to learn about love! (That also means you shouldn't be thinking about getting a life partner anytime soon yet)

Quoting from Joshua Harris from his famous book "I kissed date goodbye"

Love is about commitment, sincerity and purity.

(Do read it btw)

But how is it possible? I am only human!

Exactly, why do you think God tells us that without Him, we are nothing? (John 15:5) There is no way you can love people unconditionally and committedly (especially your life partner) without God’s daily providence to our spiritual walk with Him. I’m not going to pretend that I’m doing a good job with it and I’ve fell so many times and hurt people who I try so hard to love.

But by His grace, I would humbly bow at His feet and pray to God every night:

“I’m only but your servant, forgive me for my frailty and my weaknesses. May You bless me with a new morning, ready to be more forgiving, more patient and more selfless that I may glorify You and to obey You with all that i have so that the world may be able to experience Your love in me, Amen"



I hope this post has helped you look in a different perspective of what love is.

God bless.
Gary Heng.