This Christmas – A time to forgive

Last month, I got to know one of my relative is diagnosed with a 4th stage cancer with only 3 months to live. Mixed feeling stirred up as it dawned on me that still hated her for the wrongs that she did to my family, in particular to my dad.

As I allow God to work in this area of my life, God inspired me to pray this “Lord, as we come before You, may our hearts be changed, renewed.” during last Sunday pre-prayer before the morning service began. Mind you, this was also sung later, after a brother stood up and asked the congregation to sing *. Knowing that God is ministering to me, I burst out to tears as this was exactly what God told me to do and I could not deny it.

Following that, God has showed me more clearly of the weight of my unforgiveness towards my aunty by expounding from Matthew 5 – 9 to me.

Matthew 5:21-22a, NKJVMurder Begins in the Heart
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. 

I am guilty of murdering too! Though I do not wish to be associated with the criminal who kills but God says that if I continue to be angry with my relatives, I will be judged by our Righteous Father.

Also, God reminded me of the many lessons I have learnt over the years that He would be pleased, only if I mend my relationship with my relatives. I noted that the consequences for not forgiving is that I will eventually poison and imprison myself (not a physical prison but an emotional, psychological and mental prison, ya, until I have paid my “last penny”).

Matthew 5:23-26, NKJV
Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny.

All these while, I know this passage (in the head) but have intentionally skipped this part of the Bible which calls for radical living. I must admit that I have compartmentalized my life so well that no one but God (He knows everything!). Come to think of it, I have refused to love my enemies, pronounce blessings and good wishes to my relatives who curses my family members, do good to them who hated us, and pray for them.

Amazingly, the Holy Spirit caused me to start pray consistently for the salvation of these relatives almost the same time as my aunty was diagnosed with cancer. And now, I guess God makes me continue to work out the unforgivenesss which I have not fully dealt with, from a few years back

Matthew 5:44-48, NKJV 

But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.

Below is the 3rd set of scripture given by my mentor during my Sabbatical break few years back and the verses that stood out among the many verses were verse 12, 14-15. I have argued, wrestled, and struggled with God many times as why should I forgive men of their sins but God gave me the key - that “as we (I) forgive our debtors”. 

As I pleaded God to forgive me for being lazy, proud, self-righteous, selfish, disobedient etc, I must come to terms with God – to forgive those whom I hold grudges with. Again I must say that our God is a holy God and I, a small creature His sight must learn to submit regardless how painful it may be and how unworthy the other is. AND having understood that I was being made clean by Jesus’s precious blood, nothing of my own merit that I have been rendered righteous. How then can I judge another person? God forbid!

Matthew 6:9-15, NKJV
In this manner, therefore, pray:Our Father in heaven,Hallowed be Your name.Your kingdom come.Your will be doneOn earth as it is in heaven.Give us this day our daily bread.And forgive us our debts,As we forgive our debtors.And do not lead us into temptation,But deliver us from the evil one.For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

For others who fell sick, my heart usually goes out to them and pray for them but in this instance, I felt my heart hardened like stone. Was not sure whether I should pay a visit or whether they will let us their house (as our relationship was not good), I was hesitant to pray for healing for that matter and God nudges me to go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” (Matthew 9:13, NKJV)

While I view my relatives as hypocrites, God asked me to be merciful to them as He is a merciful God; and me, a servant of the Lord should do likewise. Also, God tells me that He does not enjoy my tithes and sacrifices but my obedience to His will.

1 Samuel 15:22-23a, NKJVSo Samuel said:“Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices,As in obeying the voice of the LORD?Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,And to heed than the fat of rams.For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft,And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.

In closing, I would like to dedicate this song to God that Love lifted me: 

In Christ,

Yit Mun

aka IP Man

p.s.

*referring to song 691: The power of Your love. For those of us who usually attend morning worship, this song was not being chose by the same brother who chooses this song usually but another brother, thus it was even more impactful to me.

Images taken from: (for illustration purposes only)
http://linsharliana.blogspot.com/2011/10/takut-dengan-servis-hospital-kerajaan.html
http://hecatedemeter.wordpress.com/2011/07/15/thursday-poetry-blogging/prayer-and-care/
http://www.freewebs.com/bythelordsgrace/