Joy of the Lord

Honestly, I'm always skeptical about going for camps, be it church camps, youth camps or SUFES camps, because I feel like a total failure to God. I'd make many promises about what I resolve to do including maintaining a daily QT, but I did not manage keep any promises after camp. So therefore, I concluded that camp would merely be a good time, void of promises.

I was pretty busy in the weeks leading up to camp, didn't have much time to prepare myself either. Frankly speaking, I did not have the joy of the Lord for a long time, I did not know how to be happy in God and have lost that love. Incidentally, it WAS 6 years ago at the same place in which my spiritual eyes were opened. The camp speaker then was Daniel Foo, his talks on spirituality opened my eyes to more than just Sunday School answers, it was then that I started a personal relationship with my Lord. As soon as I came back from Ilham Resort 6 years ago, my heart was sorta like on fire for Him for about a few months till it died down to a constant struggle.

Right before camp, I found myself spiritually drained with questions about my future cropping up just before camp and arguments. I even forgot to fast and pray for the camp. Everything laid aside, my mind just wasn't there.

"This camp was gonna be the same like numerous camps I've attended", I said to myself at the start of it, but little did I know that I was so wrong. Relationships within the church had not been smooth and Uncle Christopher was right when he said he felt resentment and anger among the members.

In a discussion, someone said there was no unity in church and how to resolve this. I guess the answer starts with you and I, we must do our part if we want to be united and it must start with me. Sometimes I am too absorbed in my own self that I do things for my own self and not for God. I'm really guilty of that, till a few relationships have gone bad.

Honestly speaking, God really spoke to me on Saturday morning. There was this altar call calling me to respond to God's invitation to release all the bitterness and anger I harboured over time against my fellow brethren. I was really in need of that, cuz I did not realise how much it had affected the horizontal relationship with the people around me and also my relationship with God. After I settled all my differences and learnt to let go, I felt a gush of joy! God works in such wondrous ways.. The Bible says, without confession of sins there won't be renewal (or sth like dat).

Later at night, there was another altar call calling us to respond to an invitation of receiving God's spiritual gifts. Many people responded. I walked to the front when Uncle Christopher asked the church to pray together for the confession of sins. I was kinda scared cuz it was the first time this had been done in the church. Johnson represented the youth in our confession. Let me just add a few more things. Many times we tend to stick to our own clique causing newcomers to be left out. Few of us do not always glorify God when it comes. We tend to have this "semangat asabiah yang terlampau" which when A fights with B, the whole group gets involved. We also do not show ownership and responsibility in church.

"Dear family, this was my last camp and also the BEST one indeed. I've learnt that though we get ticked off easily, it is through those times that we really learn to accept each other for who we really are. It's my sincere desire to see all of you really united as one in God's big family. It's alrite cuz we're merely human.."

Wanna take this opportunity to apologise to everyone for all the wrongs that I've done.. Hope you'll forgive me.

However, our faith is very beautiful. It's likened to Christ chasing after us for as long as we are away from Him for He wants to be found in us. "The hound of Heaven is hunting me"
No matter where I go and how far I run, He will keep hunting me till I finally give up and surrender myself.

I first found my joy 6 years ago, and I found it again at the same place..

God bless..