The story went by where David sin against the Lord by taking Bathsheba as his wife and plotting Uriah (her husband) to be killed in battle.
2 Samuel 12:7a
"And Nathan said to David, Thou art the man.."
2 Samuel 12:13a
"And David said unto Nathan, i have sinned against the LORD.."
Of course I've not commit a sin as serious as David, but to God, regardless the degree of sin - it is still sin to Him. And sin is serious business for the wages of sin is death (Separation from God!)The thing is, just like David, I didn't think I was sinning. I just figured it was just another moment I wasn't that close to God and I'll just have to keep trying my best to work this out. I thank God by His grace that I continue to struggle with it because He really stay with the low and contrite (Isaiah 57:15). He revealed to me towards my attitude of the spiritual discipline I've been learning from Bible class lately.
When I meditated about how the pharisee commended himself over the fact that he fasted twice a week and tithe everything he had to God compared to the publican in the temple, I always thought i could see myself as the publican, for who can ever be like the arrogant, self conceited pharisee?
Then God told me right in my face, "YOU are the pharisee!" (Can you see how is this connected when Nathan told David "THOU art the man" when he was telling the story to him?)
You see, I always try to make sure i wouldn't fall into this trap. Because during bible class, we were already taught and warned that a lot of people feel that they are very self righteous and "holy" just because they were practising the spiritual disciplines. (Just incase you're very puzzled with what are the spiritual disciplines, to name a few would be like fasting, meditation, scripture study etc.)But the more I tried to make sure I didn't, the more I got myself into that trap. Instead of focusing on the journey where God is trying to take me through those spiritual disciplines, I was more focus on guarding and making sure I'm doing everything right. That in itself got me spending a lot of my focus and time on the disciplines rather on God which in the first place, He has designed those disciplines for Himself. Not for us or any other reason you can ever think of. Remember what Mark 2:27 said?
"And He(Jesus) said unto them, The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath."In this context of scripture, Jesus was trying to correct the pharisees idea of what sabbath was created for, but they worshiped the sabbath that they totally overlooked the fact that God has made it for men!
Subconsciously, I started to feel more self righteous. I started to "praise" myself for doing a good job to keep up with all the disciplines. I was more focused on how long I could do my meditation and prayer rather than sincerely asking God, "Speak to me, i yearn to listen from You". Eventually, my spiritual journey throughout the days got more dry. I didn't feel like talking to God as much as I used to or even trying to listen throughout the days.
But God so loving and gracious, He never left me to run astray all on my own, for He knows how much I do not understand and know Him still. Just as I have faith that He always brings me back to Him, up until now, He has always been faithful. And as He brought me back, I looked back and realized how close I was in walking back into that darkness, the darkness where I once belong where light is purely absent. I could only tear and "would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner."! (Luke 18:13) It was then only I realize, now I'm the publican instead of the pharisee.If you're a youth leader, CG leader or even just a Christian, remember never let any of your works get up to you. For there is nothing you can ever do, or any works you can ever boast because it is by His grace, you have it all. It is by His grace, it is all made possible. The only appropriate response would be pure gratefulness to the One who has richly and abundantly bless us.
- Gary HengImages are taken from :
http://beingisgood.blogspot.com/2010/06/upside-down-world-more-signs.html
http://worldwidepastor.blogspot.com/2011/09/pharisee-tax-collector.html
http://thegodbuzz.blogspot.com/2010/05/humility-before-god.html
http://notquitejuno.blogspot.com/2011/01/silence-is-golden-but-duct-tape-is.html
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