Forgiveness

Forgiveness. The Oxford dictionary describes forgiveness as the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. I am sure all of us know that this is easier said than done. The Bible is very clear about the fact that we must always forgive others but often times it is so difficult for us to forgive others that bitterness starts to grow in us.

Matthew 6:14-15 says: For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (NIV)

A few years back, I had a very close friend that I would always hang out with every week but as the years went by our friendship started to go sour. Our friendship had deteriorated to the point that we totally stopped speaking to one another because I was so angry at that person. I was so angry at that friend to the point that I did not wish my friend well and did not want good things to happen to him/her.

I was so angry and unwilling to forgive my friend that bitterness started to fester in my heart. The worst thing about having bitterness in you heart is that the bitterness will start to affect your life and eat you up inside. Of course, my walk with God was also affected because how could I go before God and ask Him for forgiveness when I am so unwilling to forgive someone who has wronged me.

Matthew 5:23-24 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. (NIV)

When I moved to Singapore, I was still very angry at that friend. By this time, I have already been angry at this friend for two years. Somehow in my heart I knew that I have to forgive this friend but as I said I was so stubborn and egoistic that I felt that I had every right to be angry at this friend. I truly struggled to forgive my friend.

The turning point for me was when I came back for a short break and had to attend the funeral of a friend’s mum. This friend of mine did not have a good relationship with his/her mum but just before his/her mum passed away they were able to reconcile and forgive one another. When I heard about that during the memorial service it suddenly hit me that whatever my other friend did to me was such a small thing that it was quite ridiculous that I held a grudge against him/her for such a long time.

Colossians 3:13 says: Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (NIV)

So when I went back to Singapore and read God’s word and journaled about my thoughts. I prayed and asked God to help me forgive the friend which I had held a grudge against. While I was praying I felt God’s prompting me to reach out to that friend and ask for his/her forgiveness for what I have done that contributed to the breakdown of our friendship.

If you told me two years ago that I would ask this friend for forgiveness, I would have thought that you were crazy because I did not think that I did anything wrong. I was so self righteous that I felt that my friend should be the one asking me for my forgiveness. The moment I decided to release my anger and forgive this friend, I reached out to him/her to ask for forgiveness. My friend replied and told me that he/she has forgiven me and apologized to me as well. Now, we are on good terms and have spoken to each other a few times.

God truly gave me the strength to do what I did. The thing I learned through this experience is that forgiveness is for yourself as much as it is for the other person. Letting your anger and bitterness about another person fester in your heart is a huge disfavor you are doing to yourself. As believers, we are called to forgive one another and there is no two ways about it.

Are you angry and holding a grudge against a person today? Present this struggle to the Lord and He will guide you.

- Xin-Yi

Images taken from:
http://dandelion6oclock.wordpress.com/2010/12/27/forgiveness-is-our-only-hope/
http://bookbuilder.cast.org/view_glossary.php?book=30370&word=20467
http://saturnslady.blogspot.com/2011/03/true-forgiveness.html