Who comes first?

“The other day when she was talking to that guy, they seem really close to each other. Seems like he stands a higher chance compared to me..”

“Why hasn’t he texted me today?”

“She doesn’t seem to care to ask what’s wrong with me even though I’m down..”

Familiar thoughts?

We all go through this phase one point in our lives and some of us might still be going through it..

Is it something wrong? No, it’s natural.

Do we feel like our feelings are at the mercy of this person’s behavior and you feel desperate to know every single thing this person does in relation to whether this person has feelings towards you? Maybe, but I’m pretty certain we don’t like it, unless except of course it goes “our” way where this person is responding well.

Should we do something about it? Yes, by not encouraging it further!

Because when we spend all our time over thinking or over reacting about this person, it could be dangerously close to idolatry. Eventually, this person may even take over God’s no.1 place in your life.

Exodus 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before me.”

Why? Do you notice yourself texting 24/7 with this person, like seriously, every moment? Regardless whether you’re out with your family, with your friends or even at home doing your homework?

And when it stops, you feel like you can’t go on the day as usual? What happened to your dependency towards God? Could you even focus on listening to God in that state?

How do your friends and family view you? How would you feel every time you ask your friend out and all this person does is texting away without giving a proper amount of attention due to the occasion? (Especially if this person actually needs your help/care & the Holy spirit could be prompting you but your mind is too filled about the other person!)

Ecclesiates 3 : 1 “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven”

But then you cry inside, “I can’t help it!”

The first step you need to take is to pray “I can because God is with me.”

I’m saying this with caution - it takes time. It is indeed good if God delivers you immediately but it often takes time to build your security in God. What sort of security?

The fact that all things are in His plan and all you need to is listen! Sounds easy but it takes a lot of discipline to obey than to obey the rumblings of your heart. You don’t need to know whether this person likes you or not, Why? Because you just allow the Spirit to take control and focus on being friends first. If God has planned to blossom your relationship from friends to something more, be certain that it will surely happen.

Because inquiring of the Lord whether this person is someone He has placed takes time to discern. It is not based by how much and how long you know about this person alone, a lot of relationships were based on that and still failed eventually. Ultimately, it is based more importantly whether God said “Yes, this is the person.”!

A more important question would be, are you even prepared for a relationship? Most of us take it lightly by thinking “We can always experiment first and then talk about the results later”. Can we take the cost of hearts in exchange of our selfish desires? If there is any price to pay for, hearts are the most costly ones. When it is broken, you can never reverse the scars.

“But it could be mutual! We will control and we will promise not to step too deep.”

Heard that too often and too often see that being a total huge lie. If you ever noticed, the best liars are most often not others but yourself. We love to lie to ourselves so that we could get our conscience to shut up and end up getting a huge deep cut on either yourself or others.

Always remember your ultimate and only security comes from God first and everything else will fall into its respective place. Whenever I struggle with this problem, I always tell myself this, “Can’t God provide my partner?” and even if He doesn’t eventually, I still know it is for the best!

Psalms 62:7 “My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.”

Recently, God has been helping me “re-learn” these old ways (Before I came to know Christ) and coming to know His way.

John 14:6 “Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

And it took me 3 hearts (Or more maybe) broken before I repent and truly learn what it means to respect one’s feelings and doing my utmost best to not mislead and just focus on being friends first. Trust me, I regret every heart that was broken due to my foolishness and I can pray that no one else have to go through what I did just to learn what is God’s way in BGRs. (Boy-Girl Relationship).

Guys, don’t obsessively text and call the girl you like everyday unless you are certain God has led you to. Even then, do it with great caution and move in step by step.

Girls, don’t just blame the guys because they “led” you into it. It takes two to clap. You can always tell the guy that you don’t think it is too healthy for two friends to be spending this much time texting and calling each other. Again, respond only if God has prompt you to and also, don’t rush it!

If you have problem listening to God about this certain person, then by all means, take your sweetest time to go about it. Remember, it’s not worth a heart broken just to find out and it is definitely not God’s way.

John 14:15 “If you love me, you will obey what I command.”

Matthew 22:39 “ And the second is like it: Love your neighbour as yourself"

- Gary Heng

Images taken from:
http://leileileileilei.blogspot.com/
http://butwhatnow.com/why-are-we-so-dissatisfied/
http://thankgoditsanday.tumblr.com/post/5508742909
http://brownblog.wordpress.com/2007/02/27/god-talks-to-me/